


Healing in Time

by capsheadquaters



Category: (Marvel) - All Media Types, Avengers, MCU, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:21:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24025015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/capsheadquaters/pseuds/capsheadquaters
Summary: Your life has revolved around his, the Winter Soldier. Now you're trying to live a life outside of Hydra, outside of him but he’s here too, trying to live a life outside of Hydra as well. Your therapist wants you both to work together but how can you do that when he’s the bane of your existence?Warnings: Angst, PTSD Flashbacks, Blood and Gore, Love/Hate Relationship, Friends with Feelings, Enemies to Friends/Lovers, Nsfw-ish, Slow Burn
Relationships: Bucky Barnes x Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes & Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, Winter Soldier x Reader, winter soldier & reader, winter soldier/reader
Kudos: 12





	1. Preview

**Author's Note:**

> Sarah is an OC based on my therapist, and yes she is aware of this. Things discussed in the therapy sessions are based on my own experience with therapy.   
> It has been such a long time since I’ve written a Bucky series. I’ve been working on writing his character more so please be kind with this!

This series is based off of my oneshot, [ Healing ](https://capsheadquaters.tumblr.com/post/190041458792/healing)

* * *

“You’re like him, a winter soldier.”

Looking up, her eyes held a glare.

“You say that like it means something. You can’t compare me to him, him to me.”

She shook her head, looking down at the table.

“We’re not the same.”

“You’re a winter soldier.”

“With different experiences. I’m a winter soldier by name, but I’m not like him.”

✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪

_“You don’t have to trust me. I wouldn’t trust me. But you need help, and I’m all you’ve got.”_

_“What exactly do you have?”_

_She handed him a file, crossing her arms over her chest._

_“His location. A way for you to get there, and a reason for why you’re going. It would be a routine, scationed mission with the exception that you’d be bringing your friend back.”_

_“How do I know this isn’t a trap?”_

_She shrugged, turning._

_“That’s up to you. But if you want to find him, you’re just going to have to believe me when I say it’s not a trap.”_

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“This is all new to me. I can’t remember my life before Hydra, I’m not like you. You had a life before Hydra.”

“You had one too.”

She shook her head, sighing.

“Yeah, but not like you. I was just a kid. I can’t even remember what my parents look like, let alone their names.”

“We all have our demons.”

“I know that.”

She scoffed, shaking her head. 

“You think I don’t know that? That’s not what I’m saying. People can’t keep comparing us. The only thing we have in common is Hydra. They’re treating us like we’re the same when we’re not.” 

“They’re just trying to help.”

“Yeah well I wish they’d stop.”

✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪

_“We send her out. She’s ready.”_

_“She’s never seen the outside of this facility. We have no way of knowing what she will do.”_

_He looked over, slightly tilting his head to the side._

_“She’s a soldier yes? She has been trained. It is time to use her.”_

_“I do not believe she is ready sir.”_

_“Are you saying you have failed then? If she is not ready as you say, then you have failed. So which is it? Are you a failure or is she ready?”_

_“She is ready sir. I am sorry for-”_

_There was a bang and a thud, the man placing his gun on the table. He turned, pressing the button in front of the monitor._

_“Prepare the asset. And send someone in here to clean up this mess.”_

  
  


  
  



	2. Prologue

Do you know what it's like to be unmade? To have someone pick your brain and play? Pull you out, stuff something, someone, back in? The memories, the things that make you who you are, gone. And when the only thing you’ve ever known is pain, suffering, you become numb to it. And it becomes a part of you. Whether you realise it or not. All the pain, the memories, the feelings, it’s a part of you, and you’re stuck with it until the day you die. If you’re even given that relief but until then, you’re stuck with it. You’re stuck with it all, the pain, the memories, the feelings. And when you think you’re over it? It slams into you, hitting you right in the face and dragging you down. 

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“This one, she’s the one.”

He grinned, nodding.

“She’s perfect.”

The agent beside him turned, nodding.

“Bring her in.”

The agent in the corner turned, walking out of the room. They reappeared on the screen beside the monitor they were looking at, walking forward. 

“We have a mission for you.”

The man in the chair shook his head, his face red.

“No. I won’t do it! I won’t!”

The agent walked forward, throwing pictures down onto the table.

“You will if you want your family to live.”

The man shook his head, tears falling down his face.

“Please, please you don’t have to do this.”

The tv mounted to the wall behind the agent turned on, the screen split in two.

“If you refuse, they will die.”

“Please, please.”

The agent walked forward, placing a file on top of the pictures, opening it.

“Bring us the girl, alive or your family will die. We’ll start with your children first, your wife will watch and then she will die. Painfully, slowly. She’ll watch the life in your children go out, and then she’ll die. Bring us the girl.”

“Please.”

The agent circled around the man, his hands behind his back.

“Bring us the girl.”

“Please, you don’t have to do this.”

The agent stopped in front of the table, slamming his hands onto the table, leaning forward.

“Bring us the girl.”

He shook his head, tears streaming down his face.

“Please, please, don’t do this.”

The agent stood up, reaching up towards his ear.

“Go ahead.” 

There was a loud bang, the man sobbing.

“Bring us the girl or we kill the next one.”

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“They’re ready sir.”

The man nodded, casting one last glance to the monitors before he walked out of the room. The doctors looked up when he walked in, nodding.

“We’re ready to begin when you are sir.”

“Please I wanna go home.”

The man walked forward, looking down at the girl on the table, grinning.

“You are home sweetheart.”

She was crying, her arms and legs moving as she tried to break free of her restraints.

“I want my mom.”

The man looked over at the doctor, nodding.

“Go ahead.”

He took a step back, watching the girl as she started to scream, tears streaming down her face.

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“Comply.”

The agents walked into the cell, walking towards her.

“Please no, I don’t want to.”

She moved further into the corner, bringing her knees up to her chest.

“Please. Please I’m tired.”

The agents moved forward, the batons in their hands lighting up.

“We will take you by force if you don’t comply.”

She shook her head, covering her face with her arm.

“Please.”

“Comply.   
“Please.”

The agents moved towards her, shocking her with the batons. She screamed, her body shaking. She looked up at them, her eyes filled with unshed tears, blinking as they grabbed her.

“In the end they always comply.” 

  
  



	3. Part One

“Anyone got any idea why we’re being summoned?”

Clint snorted, lifting his head and looking over at Tony as Steve and Sam sat down.

“Anybody blow anything up and not remember doing it?”

Natasha shook her head, placing a cup of coffee in front of Clint, sitting down beside him.

“Drink your coffee and sit up. We’ll never hear the end of it if you start snoring during the debrief again.”

Clint grabbed the cup, sitting up.

“Who said this was a debrief?”

Natasha shrugged, placing her cup on the table.

“We’ll find out in a few minutes. The jet’s landing on the roof now.”

Tony sat down with a huff, crossing his leg over the other as he leaned back in the chair.

“Well I for one haven’t blown anything up.”

“Did ya create another murder bot?”

Tony huffed, grinning as he threw a pen cap at Clint.

“Not recently.”

The conference room door opened, Steve and Sam sitting up as Fury walked in.

“Whatever you think we did, I played no part in it.”

Natasha hit Clint’s side, causing him to groan as Fury stood at the head of the table. 

“This isn’t about that, yet. This is about something else. The screen behind Fury lit up, showing a woman's picture and her file.

“This is Y/N Y/L/N, known by Hydra as Nyx. She is a Winter Soldier. She is the reason why Barnes, and the others were considered perfected. They experimented on her first and if it worked, they would do it to the others.”

“How long?”

Steve looked up, his eyes hard as he clenched his hand, lowering his arm onto the table.

“How long have you had her?”

“She came to us six years ago. She’s been with us since.”   
“And you’re just now telling us about her?”

“You didn’t need to know until today.”

“That’s bull. She could’ve helped Bucky!”

Fury nodded, sitting down.

“And she did. She’s the one who told you where to find him. She helped provide you with a way to get there and a cover story. She helped him.”

“Why are you just now telling us about her?”

“She’s here, and she’s going to be staying here.”

Tony sat forward as Steve leaned forward, everyone yelling over each other. Fury huffed, shaking his head.

“Enough!”

They all fell silent, Steve huffing with a glare as he leaned back.

“Y/N will be staying here. The council has found out about her staying inside Shield and they’re calling for her arrest.”

“You want us to protect her?”

“I want her somewhere safe. This is the safest place for her.”

Tony huffed, shaking his head with a grin.

“I told y’all we’re just glorified babysitters.”

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“Y/N this is Steve Rogers, Tony Stark and Natasha Romanoff.”

She looked up, offering a small, tight smile before she looked back down at the floor.

“Natasha will show you to your room.”

She nodded, Natasha stepping forward. Y/N followed behind her, Steve looking over at Fury.

“That’s not the same person I met.”

Fury nodded, watching the two walk away.

“Hydra messed up her mind. She’s been with Hydra since she was four. It wasn’t until she was programmed to their liking was she allowed out of the base they were keeping her at. Since she’s been with Shield, she’s only been around Hill, myself, and a handpicked group of agents. When we tried to integrate her with others, she reacted badly.”   
“How badly?

“Six agents were put in the hospital, three were injured with one in critical condition. After that incident we kept her away from people, keeping her contact limited.”

“You treated her like she was still with Hydra.”

“I did what I had to do to protect my agents.”

Tony scoffed, his phone up to his ear. Steve turned towards him, making a face.

“What are you doing?”

“Calling Pepper. She’ll need a therapist. Pepper’s got a list.”

Steve nodded, looking back at Fury.

“See, you’ve got everything under control.”

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“You’re sure about this?”

Sarah looked up from where she was packing her files, tilting her head to the side.

“You called me didn’t you?”

Pepper nodded, sighing as she pushed her hair back.

“Yes, but this will be different than the others. She’s not going to be like your other cases.”

Sarah shook her head, grabbing her case with the files, walking towards Pepper.

“I’ve dealt with worse, I’m sure.”

Pepper shook her head, sighing as they both walked out of Sarah’s office.

“Not with this you haven’t.”

They both walked out to the car that was waiting for them, climbing into the back.

“What do you know about her?”

Pepper shook her head, looking over at Sarah.

“Not much. Tony just said that she’s been with Hydra since she was four. She’s a winter soldier apparently and she’s been in Shield custody for six years.”

“I’ll be getting her file?”

Pepper nodded, the car coming to a stop.

“You should. Just like Tony should be waiting for us upstairs.”

Sarah nodded, the two walking into the elevator.

“Is there a time frame for this?”

Pepper shook her head, the elevator coming to a stop.

“No. This one is up to you. However much time you need, it’s yours.”

They walked out of the elevator, Tony looking up with a grin as he shut his phone off, standing up. 

“Love of my life!”

Sarah laughed, shaking her head.

“How many times do I have to tell you, never gonna happen.”

Tony laughed, wrapping his arms around her.

“A man can dream can’t he?”

Sarah laughed, returning the hug.

“Sure Tony.”

Tony stepped back, reaching for Pepper and kissing her cheek, smiling at her before he looked back at Sarah.

“Think you’re ready for a challenge?”

Sarah grinned, tilting her head to the side.

“I dealt with you didn’t I?”

Tony laughed as Pepper grinned, shaking her head.

“That’s true. Come on, there’s a lot to talk about with this one.”

✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪

Sarah looked up from where she was sitting, looking over at Tony.

“When can I see her?”

Tony shrugged, looking over at her.

“When do you want to?”

“She’s here isn’t she?”

Tony nodded, leaning back.

“She is.”

“You were here when she first arrived?”

“Yeah.”

“How’d she seem to you? Was she agitated, fearful even?”

Tny shrugged, watching as Sarah picked up one of the papers strewn around her.

“I wouldn’t really know. Rogers said that she wasn’t the same person he had met before.”

Sarah looked up, making a face.

“Steve knows her?”

“Apparently she’s the one who helped him find Barnes. She provided him the means to get there and a cover story.”   
“Huh.”

Tony made a face, tilting his head to the side.

“What?”

Sarah looked over at him, her head tilted.

“Seems like everyone’s connected somehow.”

✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪

“You’re sure about this?”

Sarah nodded, looking up at Tony and Steve.

“In order for therapy to work, she’s going to have to trust me. If it’s true that she’s been in Hydra since she was four, that trust will have to be earned and the only way that can happen is if she sees that she can trust me. That can’t happen with agents standing over her shoulder breathing down her neck.”

“But outside? She could run.”

Sarah shook her head, sighing.

“She won’t run.”   
“How do you know that?”   
“Because she’s scared.”


	4. Part Two

“Y/N? My name is Sarah, may I come in?”

There was no response, causing Sarah to sigh as she knocked again.

“Y/N?”

She leaned forward, placing her ear against the door. She couldn’t hear anything, and she stood up, trying the handle. She was surprised when it opened, slowly taking a step forward.

“Y/N? Y/N I’m coming in now.”

Sarah pushed the door open, looking inside. The lights were all cut off, so she reached for the lamp by the door, cutting it on.

“Y/N?”

Sarah left the door open, looking around. Tony had each room decorated, but the things he had used to liven the place up we’re stacked on the table by the door, neatly.

“Y/N?”

Sarah tensed when she saw movement out the corner of her eye. She turned slowly, stopping when she saw a figure in the corner.

“Y/N? My name is Sarah, I’d like to talk to you if that’s okay.”

Y/N said nothing, but Sarah could tell she was tense.

“Would you like to go outside? It’s nice out, the sun's shining and there’s a soft breeze. I’m sure it’s stuffy in here, dark. It’d be nice to get some sun.”

Sarah watched as she walked out of the corner, Sarah smiling softly at her.

“Would you like to see the grounds? There’s a pond here, it’s nice there, peaceful.”

Y/N stopped in front of Sarah, her head down. Sarah sighed, turning and walking out of her room. She didn’t have to turn to know that Y/N was following her. Her footsteps were light, almost silent. Sarah slowed down, falling into step beside Y/N. Y/N looked up, casting a glance over at Sarah before she looked back down. The people they passed would stare, averting their eyes when Sarah would glare at them. When they got outside, Sarah looked over at Y/N, watching how she reacted. She smiled at the awe in her eyes, speaking softly.

“The pond is just over there.”

Y/N nodded slightly, following beside Sarah. Sarah sat down on the bench that Tony had placed out there, looking over at Y/N. She was standing by the edge of the pond, her back to Sarah.

“Y/N, I’d like to ask you a few questions if that’s ok.”

Y/N nodded slightly, causing Sarah to sigh. She pressed play on her audio recorder, watching Y/N.

“What can you tell me about your childhood?”

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“This entire file is blacked out.”

Tony looked up, laying the file down onto the table.

“Just shows how dangerous she really is.”

Steve tilted his head to the side, looking over at Tony.

“You think it was smart, letting Sarah take her outside alone?”

“She isn’t alone.”

Steve made a face, looking over at Natasha before he looked back at Tony.

“What are you talking about?”   
“There’s a group of agents outside with them, in the shadows.”   
“Are you insane?”

Tony shrugged, leaning back.

“We don’t know what she’s capable of. But the one thing this file does tell us, is that she’s dangerous.”

Natasha shook her head, standing up.

“It’s not about whether she’s dangerous or not, that’s a given. Sarah said she wanted to gain Y/N’s trust, what do you think is going to happen when she sees them?”   
“If she sees them.”

“Tony, it’s not if she sees them, it’s when.”

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“You said we were alone.”

Sarah looked up, making a face.

“I’m sorry?”

Y/N turned towards Sarah, glaring.

“You said we were alone. You were adamant about us being alone yet we’re not.”

She nodded towards the tree line, lifting her hand.

“There are two agents there, one behind the tree over there. There’s an agent on the roof, and two on the other side of the pond, with guns trained. You lied.”

Sarah shook her head, standing up.

“I promise you, I did not know they were here.”

Y/N’s glare hardened as she walked forward, stopping a few feet from Sarah.

“You lied.”

She walked past Sarah, walking back inside. The agents who were in the trees came out, Sarah shaking her head.

“Dammit Tony.”

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Sarah walked down the hall, spotting Tony in a conference room with Steve and Natasha. She watched as Natasha said something, nodding at her. Sarah pushed the door open, walking in with a glare.

“Why the hell did you do that?”

Tony looked up, leaning back in his chair.

“Do what dear?”

Sarah huffed, pointing her finger at Tony.

“Don’t do that. You sent agents out there! Thanks to you, she’ll never trust me now. Everything I was working up to is now ruined because of you!”

Tony sat up, leaning forward, pushing the file towards Sarah.

“That’s her file, the file we were given. Notice anything? It’s all blacked out. All of it. Save for her alias, Nyx. Do you know why? Because she’s dangerous. She’s so dangerous that her file is all blacked out. Barnes’ file has more words than her’s and he’s been with Hydra longer than her. What do you think that means exactly? That she’s not the most dangerous person here? Because news flash, she is.”   
Sarah slammed her hands onto the table, her voice rising.

“I wanted to gain her trust!”

She shook her head, standing up.

“You may think you’re right about everything Tony, but you were wrong on this one. Next time, stay out of my job. I don’t work for you, I work for Pepper. And yes, she will be hearing about this.”

Sarah walked out of the conference room, Natasha turned towards Tony, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Told you so.”


	5. Part Three

It had been three days since Fury had brought Y/N to the compound, and so far there had been no incident. Sarah would meet with Y/N everyday, trying to coax her out of her room so they could talk. The most words she had gotten out of Y/N, was “no.” Sarah was sitting at her desk, going over her patient files when there was a knock at her door. She didn’t look up, scrolling on her laptop, looking back down at her file.

“Come in.”

“Hey Sarah, I hope I’m not interrupting.”

Sarah looked up with a smile, shaking her head as she flipped her file closed, setting it on her desk.

“Course not Steve. You know my door is always open. What’s up?”

Steve sat down in the chair across from her, crossing his leg over his knee.

“Bucky’s coming back from Wakanda today.”

“You’re worried about how Y/N will react when she sees him?”

Steve nodded, sighing.

“Yes. If it’s true that she was experimented on to perfect the winter soldiers, there’s a chance she’s met Bucky before. And if she holds any grudges or anything, there’s a chance she may react negatively.”

“Does Bucky know she’s here?”

“He knows that there’s someone new here but I didn’t tell him who or that she’s from Hydra.”

Sarah nodded, leaning back in her chair.

“So why not just tell him that she’s in rehabilitation? That she needs space and to give it to her. And then when the time’s ready, integrate them together?”

“After what Tony did, I wanted to ask your opinion. Pepper picked you from a list of therapists she put together. You have experience with this. And it’s like you said earlier, this is your job. Pepper brought you in for this, so whether the rest others like it or not, you’re in charge here.”

“And how do you feel about that?”

Steve made a face, tilting his head to the side.

“What?”

“How do you feel about me being in charge? You’re usually the one calling the shots, the one who’s in charge.”

Steve shook his head, sighing, smiling slightly.

“You’re not supposed to be profiling me.”

Sarah grinned, tilting her head to the side.

“Am I?”

Steve nodded, sighing.

“You are.”

Steve made a face, looking up at Sarah.

“May I ask?”

Sarah nodded, sitting up straighter.

“You may ask.”

“What’s her profile?”

“I haven’t been able to put much together but from what I have, I believe that she thinks this is just another Hydra base. Tony has all the rooms pre-decorated. The first day I met her, she had taken all of the decorations and piled them neatly on the table by the door. Her room is bland of anything lively, save for the color Tony already had the room painted as. She stays in her room, with the curtains drawn. Like she’s recreating the place she’s lived in.”

“Which would be?”

“A Hydra cell. If it’s true that she’s been with Hydra since she was four, it’s going to be hard for her to break habit.”

“Even if she’s been with Shield for the past six years?”

Sarah nodded, leaning forward.

“Fury told you all that they kept her away from other people after she put six in the hospital, one in critical and injured three.”

She leaned back, sighing.

“It’s possible that by keeping her away from people, she kept her tics from when she was in Hydra. I was planning on calling Fury today. I need to know what she’s been doing, how she’s been these last six years.”

Steve nodded, sitting up.

“And Bucky?”

“For now, just tell him to keep his distance. I know the others have so maybe for now, that’d be best. I want to try to get her to open up to me some before she’s around others. I’d like an incident like the last one to not happen so if we can avoid stressors, I’d like to avoid them.”

Steve nodded, standing up.

“Whatever we can do to help.”

“Thank you.”

Steve nodded, walking towards the door.

“And Steve?”

He turned, looking at Sarah.

“Anytime you want to talk, my doors opened. Just because I’m not the team therapist anymore doesn’t mean you still can’t come and talk to me.”

He nodded, offering a small smile before he left her office.

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After Bucky had landed, he had gone straight to his room with the intent to sleep for the rest of the day. He walked over to the floor windows in his room, moving to close the curtains when he saw movement in the room across the small courtyard. He stood there in front of the windows, making a face. Last week the room was empty, and he had the wing to himself. So seeing movement made him curious. But his need for sleep overran his curiosity, and with a slight huff he pulled the curtains to, throwing himself onto his bed.

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Bucky jumped up when he heard screaming, panting as he looked around. He sat up with a groan, pushing his hair back out of his face.

“What the hell?”

The screaming was louder now that he was awake, causing him to make a face as he got up, walking to his door and down the hall. He came to a stop in front of the door, reaching out for the handle when Friday spoke, causing him to jump.

“Mr. Barnes, I have been instructed to tell you that this room is off limits. I have already soundproofed your room.”

“Who’s in there?”

“I am not at liberty to say.”

Bucky huffed, watching the door, listening to the screaming.

“Mr. Barnes?”

Bucky huffed, turning back down the hall.

“I’m going, I’m going.”

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The next morning came and Bucky was already up before his alarm. After taking a shower and getting dressed, he made his way to the common room, finding Steve at the counter, reading something on his tablet.

“Morning.” 

Steve looked up from his tablet, smiling at Bucky.

“Morning.”

Bucky walked over to the fridge, pulling out the bowl of fruit and setting it on the counter across from Steve.

“When were you gonna tell me that I have a roommate?”   
“Hmm?”

“I saw someone in the room across the yard. And then I heard screaming at two. Friday told me that the room is off limits and she’s not at liberty to tell me who’s in there. So who’s in there?”

“The new girl. The one I was telling you about.”

Bucky made a face, tilting his head to the side.

“And I’m not allowed to know that?”

Steve sighed, looking up.

“She’s in rehabilitation, Buck. Sarah wants to keep her away from possible stressors because the last time she was around people she attacked them and put one in critical condition, six in the hospital and injured three.”

“And I’m a stressor?”

Steve shook his head, setting the tablet down.

“No Buck. None of us are really allowed to go near her.”

“She was screaming in her sleep.”

Steve sighed, shaking his head.

“I’m sorry Buck, but maybe you can tell Sarah? Let her know that you heard her screaming. And who knows, she might tell you more about our new guest.”

  
  



	6. Part Four

My name is Y/N Y/L/N. I am one of the seven Winter Soldiers who work with Hydra. My purpose in life is to serve Hydra as their test subject to perfect the other Winter Soldiers. Hydra is all I’ve ever known. My life has always been Hydra, and that is all it will ever be.

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It was strange, being in a room that wasn’t bland like all the others. This room had color, pictures strewn about the room with flowers on almost every table and counter. It was personal, and Hydra hated personal. So on the first day, she stripped everything she could but the walls. They were the hardest, but she didn’t want to get in trouble so she left them. Even the bed held color, which she stripped as well, just sleeping on the mattress, without the sheets and cover. The curtains were drawn, keeping the room dark like the days she spent in the cells. Her days since arriving at the new compound were consistent of the same thing, waking up an hour before sunrise, doing her usual workout in her room before she’d meditate. Her handlers throughout the years made one thing clear, control was the most important thing other than obedience. Without obedience you fail. Without control you fail. That was easy considering Hydra had all the control. But the obedience? That one was hard. Being a child, it was hard to just, obey. And when you couldn’t obey, you were beaten. And then the obedience came. Even though she spent the last six years with Shield, it was still the same, like Hydra. They had a hierarchy, people out doing their dirty work, people being kept in cages, hidden from the world. In the end they were the same, both believing they were doing the right thing, for the right reasons, thinking the other was wrong. The six years she spent with Shield was short, shorter than her time with Hydra but it was still the same, just without the torture.

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“Have you made any progress?”

Sarah shook her head, not bothering to look up from her computer.

“No. Her door is locked. She hasn’t answered any of my questions.”

Tony took a seat in front of her, crossing his legs.

“You know you can just ask Friday to unlock the door right?”

Sarah huffed slightly, looking up.

“I do but like I told you the first day, I want to gain her trust.”

Tony tilted his head to the side, looking over at Sarah.

“Is she eating?”

Sarah nodded, typing on her computer.

“As far as I know, yes. The food I’ve been bringing her has disappeared.”

“You’re bringing her the food? You know there are others who can do that right?”

“Trust.”

“Let me ask you something, has she answered any of your questions?”

Sarah huffed, shaking her head.

“No.”

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_ “What can you tell me about your childhood? _

_ Y/N said nothing, not even moving from her spot, keeping her back to Sarah. _

_ “What about your parents Y/N? Do you remember them?” _

_ Again she didn’t answer, causing Sarah to sigh. _

_ “I’d like to help you if you’d let me Y/N. But I can only help you if you talk to me.” _

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“I have an idea.”

Sarah huffed, setting her pen down and looking over at Tony.

“Tony, your last idea blew up.”

Tony grinned, sitting up, running his hands over the top of his legs as he leaned forward.

“You’re going to like this one.”

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_ Sarah reached for her phone she kept on her desk at all times, dialing the number she had ingrained in her memory, putting the phone up to her ear. It didn’t take long for him to pick up, answering with a simple “yes.” _

_ “Director Fury? This is Sarah Rossi, I’m the on-call therapist for the Avengers. I’m currently working on Miss Y/L/N’s case and I’d like to ask you a few questions about her time with Shield if that’s okay?” _

_ “Go ahead.” _

_ Sarah sighed, grabbing her pen as she switched sides with the phone. _

_ “How did she come into your custody?” _

_ “That should be in her file.” _

_ Sarah huffed, rolling her eyes. _

_ “Yes but as I’m sure you’re aware sir, her file is completely blacked out. We’ve done this before sir, I’d like to think that by now we’re past the “it’s in the file” line.” _

_ Fury let out a chuckle, causing Sarah to smile. _

_ “We received a tip that a Hydra sleeper was in an abandoned building. A team was sent and they found her.” _

_ Sarah made a face, tilting her head to the side. _

_ “A group of agents were able to apprehend a winter soldier?” _

_ “Yes.” _

_ “Without any problems?” _

_ “Yes.” _

_ “And you don’t find that odd?” _

_ “Why should I?” _

_ Sarah scoffed, shaking her head before she reached out, pressing the speaker on the phone. She set it down on the desk, tapping her pen against the desk. _

_ “Sir with all due respect, you’re one of the most paranoid people I know, and that’s coming from someone who deals with a lot of people many would consider mentaly challenged. You’re trying to tell me that you didn’t find it strange that a winter soldier just willingly let herself be brought in?” _

_ “You tell me, doctor.” _

_ Sarah huffed, glaring at the phone. _

_ “I don’t like you.” _

_ Fury actually laughed, causing Sarah to shake her head with a smile. _

_ “I’d say the feeling is mutual, doctor.” _

_ “That was one time.”  _

_ “One time to many.” _

_ Sarah laughed, shaking her head. _

_ “So you did find it weird that she let herself get apprehended?” _

_ “I believe that she was reaching out for help. There’d been whispers that she had left Hydra, escaped, and that she was alone. Hydra was looking for her and she’d gone into hiding so they wouldn’t find her.” _

_ “Then how did you find her?” _

_ “Like I said, we received a tip.” _

_ “Did you trace the call?” _

_ “It led to a burner cell that was dumped in a trashcan in a walmart parking lot. It was wiped clean so we were unable to get any prints.” _

_ “She’s been in your custody for the past six years.” _

_ “That’s not a question.” _

_ Sarah huffed, shaking her head as she wrote. _

_ “Getting there. I need to know about her day to day activities. What she did, if she kept to a schedule of any kind, who she interacted with, those sorta things.” _

_ “And you want a way to contact those she was in contact with?” _

_ “Yes. I’m trying to set up a profile for her but it seems I’m hitting a wall with that. Was she seeing a therapist or anyone while she was with you?” _

_ “No. After the incident, she was kept to a strict no interaction rule save for myself, Hill and a group of hand picked agents.” _

_ “The agents who brought her in?” _

_ “Yes.” _

_ Sarah grinned, casting a look at the phone. _

_ “Not going to ask how I know that?” _

_ “I’ve learned to stop wondering how you know things other people don’t.” _

_ “Smart man.” _

_ “I’ll send you everything within an hour.” _ _   
_ _ “Thank you.” _

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“You want to be her handler?”

Sarh shook her head, leaning back in her chair.

“Tony, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”   
“Why not? Hydra has handlers. She’s accustomed to having a handler. Maybe if we give her one, you’ll be able to get more out of her.”

Sarah huffed, rubbing her temples.

“I don’t like it, but, we can give it a try.”

  
  



	7. Part Five

They were standing outside her door, Tony already having Friday unlock the door.

“I still don’t like this.”

“You don’t have to. But we’re doing it anyway.”

Sarah huffed as Tony pushed the door open, two agents following in behind him. Sarah stayed by the door, watching as Tony came to a stop. Y/N was sitting on the floor, her eyes closed with her hands in front of her. 

“Soldat.”

Sarah watched as Y/N sat taller, her shoulders tense as she looked up at Tony. 

“There's a new protocol. You’re now required to speak to a therapist. We need to evaluate your ability to be in the field.”

She didn’t move, not even blinking as she kept her gaze on Tony.

“Your evaluation begins now.”

Sarah walked into the room, Tony looking over at her.

“You’ve already met Sarah. You’re going to do whatever it is she asks of you, no questions asked.”

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_ Bucky took Steve’s advice, walking down the hall to Sarah’s office. He knocked on her door once he was in front of it, walking in when she spoke. She looked up with a smile, beckoning for him to sit. _

_ “It’s good to see you again Bucky. Is everything okay?” _

_ Bucky nodded as he sat down, feeling Sarah watching him as he pushed his hair back out his face. _

_ “I uh, the new girl, the one I’m not allowed to meet, she was screaming this morning at two.” _

_ Sarah made a face, setting her pem down, flipping the file she was writing in closed. _

_ “Who told you you weren’t allowed to meet her?” _

_ “Steve said that you’d like to keep people away from her due to the incident and that it’s a stressor to be around people. That and Friday said that her room’s off limits and I wasn’t at liberty to know who was in the room.’ _

_ “I promise you, it doesn’t have anything to do with you. Where she comes from, it messed up her head. After the last time she was around people, I believe it best to limit her contact and then slowly integrate her with others. But I assure you, it has nothing to do with you.” _

_ Bucky nodded, offering Sarah a small smile. _

_ “What happens about her screaming?” _

_ “I’ll prescribe her some medicine to help her sleep. Hopefully that will help and if not, I’ll go from there.” _

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Tony’s plan seemed to be working so far. Since he had told her it was an evaluation, they were currently in the gym. Monitors were attached to her head, chest and arms as she ran on the treadmill. Sarah was sitting in a chair by the treadmill, writing things down every so often as she watched Y/N. Tony believed that this would be the best way to find out what exactly Y/N was capable of, so they were starting off easy. Seeing how long she could run, how fast she could go, how strong she was, those sorta things. They’d already been in the gym for two hours, and she was still running, not even breaking a sweat. Sarah looked down at her watch, shaking her head.

“Y/N, let’s move on to something else okay?”

Y/N said nothing as she pressed the stop button, the treadmill slowly coming to a stop. Y/N walked past Sarah, walking towards the weights. Sarah watched as she added more weights. Sarah got up from her spot, bringing the chair over to where Y/N was. She walked towards her as she laid down, looking at the weights. She could feel Y/N’s eyes on her as she looked at the weights, surprised at how much she put on there. Sarah walked over to her seat as Y/N reached for the weights. Sarah watched her, noticing how she wasn’t even fazed by the heaviness of the weights. Sarah looked up when the gym door opened, seeing one of the agents who were keeping the gym off limits to others walking in.

“Mam, Maria Hill is here to see you.”

Sarah nodded, looking over at Y/N before she got up, laying her things in the chair, walking towards the doors. She stopped outside the doors, turning towards the agents.

“I shouldn’t be long. Make sure she stays in there and don’t let anyone in.”

“Yes mam.”

Sarah offered them both a small smile before she turned, walking towards Maria.

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“How can I help you, Agent Hill?”

She looked down at Sarah, offering a small smile. 

“Is there somewhere private we could talk?”

Sarah made a face as she nodded, motioning down the hall.

“There’s an empty office just down here.”

“Actually, I was thinking more like your office.”

Sarah looked over at the agents, before she looked back at Maria, nodding.

“Of course. It’s just on the floor above us.”

Maria nodded, walking beside Sarah. The ride in the elevator was silent, as was the walk to her office. Once they were inside her office, Sarah looked over at Maria as she walked forward, placing the box she was carrying on her desk.

“Director Fury wanted me to bring you this.”

Sarah made a face, opening the box.

“What is it?”

Maria sat down with a sigh, nodding towards the box.

“This is everything there is on Nyx.”

Sarah tilted her head to the side as she looked at the files she pulled from the box, flipping on open.

“I thought I already had everything there was on Y/N?”

Maria shook her head, looking over at Sarah.

“Fury didn’t want to give the team everything. The original file we gave to them was all blacked out for a reason. None of these files are blacked out. When the team of agents apprehended her, these were with her. We believe that the base where she was at was destroyed, by her.”

Sarah looked up, making a face.

“What?”

“We also have reason to believe that she was the anonymous caller.”

“Really?”

Maria nodded, standing up.

“Yes. The things in this box, they can’t be seen by anyone other than you. The team, they can’t know.”

Sarah nodded, taking the files out of the box and turning towards the wall. She took the picture down, putting a code in, the safe door opening. She placed the files in the safe, closing it and putting in a new code, placing the picture back. Sarah turned back towards Maria, handing her the box back.

“So they don’t ask questions.”

Maria nodded, picking the box up.

“I won’t tell about the safe.”

Sarah smiled as she walked around her desk, following behind Maria, shutting her lights off as she closed the door.

“I didn’t think you would Agent Hill. Thank you for stopping by.”

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When Sarah walked back to the gym, Y/N wasn’t lifting weights anymore and Tony was watching her. She was doing pushups, and from the looks of it she’d been at if for a while.

“Have fun with Hill?”

Sarah nodded as she looked down at Tony, leaning against the back of his chair.

“Yes.”

“What’d she want?”

“She was just bringing me the files I asked Fury for.”

“Uh huh.”

Sarah shrugged, grinning down at Tony.

“Remember love, I don’t answer to you.”

Tony looked up at Sarah, wiggling his eyebrows with a grin.

“Keep calling me love and we’re going to have a fun night.”

Sarah laughed, hitting his shoulder.

“Shut up. I’ll tell Pepper.”

Tony shrugged, looking back over at Y/N.

“She loves you too.”

He looked back up at Sarah, glaring slightly.

“Though you are a snitch. I thought Pep was going to kick my ass.”

Sarah shrugged, grinning down at Tony.

“Shouldn’ta interfered, ass.”

  
  



	8. Part Six

_ The light was blinding, the heat coming off of the light a small comfort as they pulled the velcro straps over my ankles and wrists, making sure they were tight enough where I couldn’t move. I watched them as they pulled a velcro strap over my head and neck, testing the tightness of it before they moved, no longer in my line of sight.  _

_ “We’ll begin the injection shortly.” _

_ “She’ll be out?” _

_ “She should. This way we will be able to perform more of our procedures.” _

_ They nodded, stepping up beside the bed, looking down at me, grinning. _

_ “And we have many procedures to perform.” _

_ They started to turn blurry as they injected my arm with something, causing me to scream, feeling something hot running along my veins before I passed out. _

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Sitting up, my chest heaved as I looked around the room, sighing. I’d been here for a month now, and Sarah was adamant about meeting with me everyday. The hour I’d spend with her was in silence from my end, but she’d talk, expecting me to answer her but I never did. I got up, seeing it was still dark outside. With a huff I left my room, walking down the hallway and to the gym. Sarah had said that I was allowed to roam the grounds of the compound, but I needed to stay within the compound grounds. But I never went outside. I went from my room, to Sarah’s office, and the gym. The lights to the gym automatically cut on once I had pushed the door open, illuminating the room. I walked to the back where the punching bags were, walking around it and getting into position, throwing a punch.

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Bucky groaned as his alarm went off, reaching over and slamming his hand onto the alarm, shutting it off. He changed into his workout clothes, pulling his hair up out of his face as he walked into the gym. Had he been more awake, he would’ve noticed that he wasn’t alone in the gym.

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I was standing on the bar when I heard footsteps walking down the hall outside the doors. I stopped, turning towards the door, listening as I lowered myself so I was squatting on top of the bar. The footsteps got louder as a figure appeared in front of the gym doors. I watched as the door opened, my blood running cold as my heart stopped. The winter soldier. He didn’t seem to notice me as he walked towards the weights, which was subtently near me. I watched him from my perch, glaring at him. 

_ “Today we’ll be testing your abilities.” _

_ I wasn’t given a chance to respond before something hit me from behind, tackling me to the ground. I started to struggle, working my way so I was on my back, my eyes slowly looking up at the figure above me. His hair was covering most of his face, but I could still see his eyes, his eyes which were empty, empty and cold. Before I could even blink his arm shot forward, wrapping around my neck. It was cold, cold and hard as he applied pressure. _

I shook my head, closing my eyes as I tried to calm down. 

_ “They’d do well together.” _

_ “She’s weak.” _

_ “But with him by her side, they’re unstoppable.” _

_ “Train them again, if she wins, then we shall pair them together.” _

_ “And if she fails?” _

_ “Kill her.” _

My breathing was getting heavier as I clenched my hands into fists.

_ I lasted longer than I did the first time we had fought. This time I was prepared, but even then it wasn’t enough, not really. Sure, I was able to keep up with him, but he still held the upper hand. It took some time, but once again his hand was wrapped around my neck, lifting me off the floor as he slammed me into the wall, the wall cracking from the force. My hands reached for his, trying to pry his hand off of my neck. Black spots had started to form, and I tried to kick him away, but he had just swatted my legs away like a bug. I started to feel faint, my grip on his hand loosening. My head rolled to the side as my breathing became labored. _

**_“And if she fails?”_ **

**_“Kill her.”_ **

_ I snapped my eyes open, wrapping one leg around him, the other kicking him as I slammed my hand up under his chin, forcing his head up. He let me go, falling backwards as I slid down the wall, coughing. _

The noise he was making became silent, everything falling into nothing as I watched him. The gym changed into a cell, the soldier’s clothes changing into the uniform, his arm glistening. Everything happened so fast. One minute I was squatting on the bar, the next I was on his shoulders, my legs wrapped around him, a knife to his throat.

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“Bucky is fine. He’s already up and walking again. There’s no hard feelings. In fact, he’d like to talk to you if you’d be okay with that.”

Sarah sighed, lowering her clipboard.

“YN, what happened wasn’t your fault. It was unfair to you for us to not tell you about Bucky. But he’s just like you, he’s trying to move on. From Hydra, and everything they did, the same as you.”

“He’s just like me?”

I didn’t have to look up to know that Sarah was shocked. We’d been meeting for a month, an hour for each day, and I had yet to say anything. 

“Yes, he’s just like you. He was kidnapped, tortured, used. The same as you. He’s like you.”

_ Like me? He didn’t seem like me back then. Not when he would come into my cell everyday and beat me, leaving me for dead each time. He didn’t seem like me when he’d pull the trigger, killing the target. He didn’t seem like me when I’d hesitate before I’d strike, or how he listened to every order he was given. He didn’t seem like me. _

“You both are more alike than you realize. Think about it.”

With that Sarah left my room. I looked out the window, huffing.

“I’ve already thought about it.”

  
  



End file.
